p i p e d r e a m

Here is a quick dialogue that I just overheard from a kid and a mother. The kid, probably around 3 or 4 years old watched his mother hold his little brother's hand in an upright position, they were all steps above a grass block area in front of this coffee shop where I just arrived. Kid: "Why you're holding him like that?" Mom: "Is to teach your brother how to walk by himself" his little brother is probably almost one year's old. Kid: "Ohh, Just like me ya mom? I can walk on this grass well" He said lightly while performing a little run proudly in front of them. Mom: "Yes, dear, but your brother cannot just yet" They both a little yelled at each other to talk over the cry from the little one. (He seemed to hate to be held like that, and wiggled uncomfortably) Kid: "So, when is he gonna be able to walk on the grass? and also to walk on the water?" Mom: "What? he can't. I also can't walk on the water, and you also...

      BYE BYE THIRTEEN. you've been so predictable, tiring, sad and dull and and.. and I'm just kidding you queer. You've been just enough. It's not like we can sum up a whole year into one or two paragraphs, so I'm trying to make a list hope that everything will be enough said. here I go, first.      I'm looking back into my old 2013 posts and just then I realise that this blog had grown into some kind of washbowl where I commit to vomiting every now and then. Like flipping through daily newspaper to find something decent to read but failed. since all I write are some perpetual rambling. and that is one thing I promised myself I would change, I didn't want to be that person who drown into poignancy in their twenties.      2nd. Early in 2013 I decided I won't make any resolution, trying to be reasonable with I don't want to limit myself but end up simply because I don't care. early in 2013, I was trying to focus and brought my head back in co...

SOMETIMES, I dream about the most better thing that could happen in my life. Everything I wish could be happen or everything I miss, or for more exact, everyone I miss. Is that crazy to say, that someone who had gone is actually never really go because they live in my dreams? not everyday and every dreams, but they do. And it's crazy to say that I could feel their existence real, almost like it wasn't a dream. Almost like this now, is a dream. and sometimes, almost like they never go in the first place, and I just dream about people in my house that I will see them when I'm awake. because I was never a lucid dreamer I didn't know it wasn't real when I'm in it. and when I'm awake all I could think of is how much I wanted to stay because that would be a very beautiful chance. The probability to hear and see. The idea of always being together. Other days, same dreams. It's been three or more days in a row that my dreams taken at real places, real houses and...

THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER SAID. I don't know what happened to me, but I feel really uncomfortable to say nice things to anyone nowadays. It's not like I'm that nice in the past but I think it isn't as worst. I keep blurt out things I didn't mean to say or words weren't supposed to use. The weird part is rather than feeling sorry I just hope they could get what I mean behind what I didn't mean. I kept thinking 'well they would understand' or 'they will, I know they will' but world didn't work like that. I know just how much I hurt people feeling (ok now I'm feeling sorry) but I think it's better to say something rude and honest rather than honey coating your words, emphasizing compliments or faking an interest to attract someone or just simply to be nice. Sweet and affectionate talk kind of freaks me out. I can't bring myself to say something so fondly or comforting. but hey I've never demand someone to say sweet t...

IT'S ELEVEN AT NIGHT it’s been raining all day long and the air become kind of sappy. I’ve been doing my task this whole day and need to take a break to write some paragraph I don’t know, for relax a bit maybe? I’ve read so many different stories this weeks and there are some passages here and there in my system that keep pop up suddenly and make me want to read the story again.      Did you ever been in this kind of situation? When there are some part of the story you have read come and come again to your mind, you can’t help but to read the story all over again. I just hope I got all time in the world. Here are some facts about my week: First, I drew a little bruise on my right knees when I accidentally fell off the stair by my campus cafeteria. The hurt of it was nothing compare to the humiliated laugh my friends gave. They’re pure evil. Ugh. I keep thinking what the hell happen to me recently. I got fall and or drop things from my hold an awful lot. My phone, mouse an...

IT'S RAINING outside and the air is chill when I stepped out of my doorway. I just can't sleep without the AC on no matter how cold the night is. Close to the regular tendency of people who needs the light off when they sleep. I'm stuck with familiarity and even if there are somethings that drew me bore, there are also some of the things I need them to stay just the same. They stay the same and it already enough for me. More than enough. I hate to say that I was feeling this whole habit with someone. a person. I mean how bad is that, to settled your feeling for the thing with the highest possibilities to change. People changed and never stay the same, right? so it's pretty wrong to believe someone will stay with you until the very end. It doesn't matter how much time you spent together or how many things you got in common. it never mattered.

NOW. The old fan I use to cooling my laptop started to get too noisy I had to turn it off. This machine will be real hot in an hour or so and I need to write this quicker. I have just watched cnblue zepp tour live concert  video and it left me with so many feels. By the way, I came to their concert at Jakarta last week and write a little note about it  here      yesterday, saturday. I've had a bad throat condition. I've met a view new people and one of them are the really irritating type of person. I know I will get myself into trouble when I decided to be the responsible one. know that I will regret it later, but still do it though. stupid me.      two days before, I've missed someone and wished if only things didn't go this way. This whole new situation. I hate it.      thursday. day off! borrowed some books back to now. I'm starting to bore over this layout, and thought I need a change. Me and my changing layout sickness (some o...

I’d prefer to have someone wait for me in the rain rather than someone constantly bring flower and spilled -I love yous. Someone simply hold and be there rather than someone ask too many questions. Comfortable silents and low whisper of names. Someone write songs about rainbows and butterflies rather than possess song with -i’d die if you’re not mine, in every sentences. Mother Mother, have you seen your laughter Fall into the arms of angels Mother if you see me I’m alright. Range of clouds on sunny weather rise onto the breeze of meadow. Mother did you help God paint the sky? - There aren’t that three letter words yet I feel the romantics of it. Fond and light and warm are all I feel while swallow every bit of this new album from Adhitia Sofyan, ‘How to stop time’. I love the way the lyrics speak in an almost subtle way about love itself. I always hope I can have it in me, the ability to write such simple and honest words and compose them into beautiful melodies. God. I adore those p...

What would you like for passing the night? mine are good stories and good music and ehm good snack. Thank Adhitia Sofyan for good music and cup noodles for good snack. I've been feeling down lately until I got the other bereavement news and realize how simple matter I've been coping with. There're much more worst cases out there it make me thanking God for what I am now. Still, life is so sad recently.

IT'S ALREADY a second week of new semester and it flew fine. Although I've been in a silent mode with my brother so there are no -please-pick-me-up-at-station text anymore. I ended up with the public rides and all the walking to home, not to mention a full 6 in 7 schedule. I'm feeling so tired it aching my ankle and shins. Stupid brother. I'm in a whiny bitch condition now, so it's better to just end this post here. PS. need to play guitar to get it off and I think this song is pretty nice.

     TO BE MORE reflect from happy quote than the sad oneThe sad one are like 'I can't stop running from myself' 'I hate world and people make me sick' or ' I'm scared' or the other dreadful one. I was always those kind of people. Like, I remember every sentence in song lyric which make me sad rather than words that make me happy. I'm enjoying myself being down in regret and feeling wrong. I can say I enjoy being sad. It always bizarre the things out of me to read encouraging words about self-respect and happy world. like 'you are beautiful' 'you can move on with your life' 'don't let sadness tear you down' 'everyone is gifted some open it sooner' and so on. They like a fake colourful lollypop I won't taste a bit, because they really as plain as they suppose.      I don't mind being alone and I hate unicorn.      but the unicorn still came, though. Recently, I find myself started to realize that being deep ...

hello! it's holiday season here, and I'm writing this from a porch where all you can see are the potted plant. It's August again! my father month. I just wanted to say Happy birthday in advance for him trough this post. (and trough a prayer too, maybe tonight) actually I kinda feel nothing special about birthday, specially mine. I'm finding it not so important whatsoever. I don't know why. Remembering about it is the most thing I can do about my birthday. For me, a birthday present isn't that special. A present for nothing is way more special. like, when someone give you a gift on the one ordinary day for no reason. Back to August. I tune my father songs every year on his birthday. I made playlist content his favorite songs which he always told me to play the moment he saw me turn on my computer. We have this kind of habit to sharing thoughts, what we read on books, latest newspaper issues, people and music. Including the singer, lyric, and all. We share like, e...

how my life in 10 years later? when I'm umm about thirty years old. did I success to reach my dream? (as if I have one) or married to the so-called love of my life? or maybe still single? Am I living the peaceful life or the hectic one? or maybe, am I living until thirty or got a killed accident by my twenty-nine? Am I ever forgive myself for certain mistake I did in my past? Am I living a regretful live as I just siting by window wondering what I was and wasn't supposed to do? Am I still live in my old childhood house or got myself an apartment far away from hometown, or maybe a loft and three roommates just like Jessica day? Am I still here in my country or not? Who will be there with me until the end? are they my close families? or some of my good friends? or maybe someone who I haven't met yet? Maybe tomorrow or two days from now, on my way to the bookstore I will bump into a stranger that actually fate with me? just like girls in novel do. or maybe I choose to suicide ...

did you ever had a sleep full of different dreams? I just did and every time it happens, I woke up late. heavy head and hardly open my eyes, with some visual stuck in my head. that how that kind of dreams work to me. So here I am, trying to find an excuse for my absent. That was one evening, when I'm in the middle of a worship with some people I don't even know, in my house. sudden think, I need shoes. so I left the group and walking around the complex to find a place to buy shoes. but at last I just stand in front of my house, bring some snack in a plastic bag arguing if I could come in bringing food or not. From other direction, a girl with her whole family, came into me, she just look at my face, but I can hear her voice 'what are you doing? you can come into your house, but, me? can I come in to your house?' I can't remember her face, but she wear red blouse with patterned scarf around her neck, browned skin. I said yes we can. so we come in together to the peop...

I rarely write these days. a good friend told that maybe because I'm too happy, he also add ''whats wrong with you and the depressive writing?'' I was like, well he got it right. is not like I'm that happy. I just found myself moving forward. I realize that there are view things I must left in my life. the huge one is the bereavement. The bitter point of my life which really drowning me deep. the death and untold stories. When my dad gone, he left me clueless and hurt. That was the first time to me facing coffin with someone close to me inside not to mention the first time being a stupid swollen face main cast at the funeral. through all the tears some disease come along with it. the disease when my heart stop to beat at couple seconds every time I hear words like, hospital, corps, some particular serious illness that has to do with blood and dad. The disease when the noise from ambulance was freaking me out. not even have time to healing, my grandmother follow ...

happy birthday mama happy birthday mama happy birthday dear mama.. happy birthday mama :) ... waktu nyadar hari ini tanggal 12 maret (tepatnya jam 00:15 pagi subuh tadi) wah gw langsung heboh. heboh sendiri maksudnya. si mama ultah. Terus gw langsung mikir ini gw anak perempuan macam apa sih, nyokap nya ulang tahun baru sadar hari itu juga, ga sempet nyiapin kado atau kue atau surprise mungkin atau cokelat kek atau bunga gitu, satupun ngga. kenapa gw tadi bilang 'anak perempuan macam apa' ya abis kalau kata orang, anak perempuan itu pasti paling deket sama ibunya, sama- sama perempuan jadi bisa lebih saling ngerasain perasaan masing- masing. tanpa meleset jauh dari kata orang. gw juga ngejalanin sih hal itu, gw deket sama nyokap. gw bisa cerita macem- macem hal ke beliau. walaupun gw tau nyokap gw sebenernya kebanyakan ga ngertinya kalau gw lagi nyeritain sesuatu, gw tetep aja cerita. dan walaupun nyokap tau dia ga ngerti dia  tetep aja dengerin gw sambil komentar seadanya. Mun...

--- tut tut --- halo selamat malam. --- iya, selamat malam buat kalian yang iseng- iseng ngangkat telfon malem saya. kalau telfon malem- malem pas lagi santai- santai nunggu ngantuk itu biasanya apa sih yang diomongin? hmm curhatan dan cerita- cerita tentang sepanjang hari tadi kali ya. dengan feeling yang sama seperti penelfon malem, saya mau cerita nih tentang hari ini :) hari ini saya studi banding ke Taman Ismail Marzuki. jadi gini, semester empat ini tugas studio saya adalah desain Art Performing Center atau Pusat Pertunjukan Seni nah buat studi bandingnya saya dan beberapa temen dateng dengan niat mau ngerasain langsung gimana sih atmosfir tempat pertunjukan seni itu. sejujurnya, ini pertama kali sih saya dateng ke TIM :p dan kesan pertama saya adalah: kurang luas dan cukup biasa. ga terasa aura - aura seni melayang- layang seperti selayaknya tempat yang udah banyak melahirkan seniman besar. lalu saya jadi kepikiran tentang kelas perkuliahan hari jumat kemaren, dosen saya nunjuki...

lumayan kaget waktu bangun tidur, di samping ada mp3 gw, dan pas gw cek, lagunya masih nyala, fix banget bakal cepet rusak itu benda di tangan gw, sering banget ketiduran dengan masih pake earphone. hari ini libur, jadi harus masak (berdua tante gw). bikin menu yang itu- itu aja (karena bisanya cuma itu- itu aja) yang gw pikirin adalah, kenapa baso itu baunya bisa nempel lama banget di tangan biarpun udh cuci tangan pake sabun, gw mulai takut semua barang yg gw sentuh sesudahnya jadi bau daging-bulat yg masih mentah itu. tadi kaget denger bunyi mangga jatoh dari pohon gw, gw pun berfikir, siapa yang sekarang bakal manjat ngambilin mangga yang udah mateng di pohon? (biasanya bokap) siapa juga yang bisa bikin manisan mangga yang enak kalau bukan bokap? tadi oma mecahin gelas. udah yang kedua kali. gw jadi mikir, kayaknya oma butuh babysitter yang stay terus di samping dia. tadi juga oma bilang mau muntah, gw kasih obat dia ga mau, terus ketiduran, pas bangun tadi keliatannya udah ga kena...

close your facebook, close your twitter, your tumblr, your blogspot, wordpress, your own website, last fm, grooveshark, close your currently buffering video on you tube, google, your messenger, and or whatever you've been opening or browsing right now, they all can wait. and try some of these. these are some of my favorite place on the internet besides tons of those social network. y o u   a r e   l i s t e n i n g   t o  ..... r a i n  m a k e s  e v e r y t h i n g  b e t t e r  ..... t h e   q u i t e   p l a c e ..... e n j o y p.s if you knew one or some of internet place(s) like these, please do notice me, i'd love to check it out. thanks (:

my sign is gemini since i was born 10 June, even if i'm a christian (horoscope forecast was contrary to the teachings of religion-but i'm not the right person to tell you why) i always find it interesting to read horoscope page on magazines, web page, articles, etc (even if i'm not 100 % sure about the truth of prediction) and i was always ask, why gemini always illustrated by the roman number of two or the twin ? but to be honest, i always feel 'the twin thing in me' but no, not something like i have an imaginary friend or fantasizing about having a twin sister. i feel it into my personalities. i feel i have such a multiple personalities. i usually feel there're two different person exist in my head that try to tell me about doing things that contrary each other, but sometimes, they both can agree at one same thing too. for examples, sometimes, i like to eat chocolate and i think like this 'wow,it really nice!if i would write about what is my favorite snack...